Dating and Marriage Survey

 

 

What should you yourself do to be a good mate for someone?

 

 

What should you look for in searching for a mate?

 

 

Why and how do you date?

 

 

What is and is not pleasing to God in dating?

 

 

How should a Christian break up with someone?

 

 

As you steadily date a person, what do you look for in a relationship?

 

 

What are key factors to consider in you and your boyfriend/girlfriend deciding to get married or not?

 

 

 

 

Other notes:

 

 

 

 

 

Further Reading for Those Who Want a Good Family

I do not recommend any books by Dr. Spock. He and others teach parents to ignore what the Bible says about discipline. (Pr13:24; 19:18; 22:15; 23:13; 29:15-17;He12:9-10) Dr. Dobson says much of the blame of America's youth problems today can be laid at the feet of these men.

Here are some materials I have heard good things about.

John White Eros Defiled InterVarsity Press

The Most Important Thing in the World : And Other Myths About Sex InverVarsity Press

Josh McDowell, with Campus Crusade, has some very good tapes on dating.

Here are some good books we have on dating and marriage.

Good to read anytime, but especially before marriage.

Beverly LaHaye The Spirit-Controlled Woman Harvest House 1976

Husbands & Wives : God's Design for the Family Book 1 NavPress 1980.

Tim Stafford The Sexual Christian Victor Books 1989

Edwin Cole Maximized Manhood : A Guide to Family Survival Whitaker House 1982

Dr. James Dobson Emotions : Can You Trust Them? Regal Books 1980

Especially good when you are getting married and after

Anne Ortlund Building a Great Marriage Fleming H. Revell Company 1985

Anne Ortlund Disciplines of the Home Word Publishing 1990

Stephen A. Bly How to Be a Good Dad Moody Press 1986

Stephen & Janet Bly How to Be a Good Mom Moody Press 1988

Kay Kuzma Building Your Child's Character : From the Inside Out David C. Cook 1988

Anything by Dr. James Dobson, who is both a committed Christian and holds a doctorate in psychology. He has an excellent Dare to Discipline film series. Some of his books which we have are:

The New Dare to Discipline Tyndale House 1970,1992

Dr. Dobson Answers Your Questions Living Books 1989.

Dr. Dobson : Turning Hearts Toward Home by Rolf Zettersten, Word Publishing 1989

Love Must Be Tough Word Books 1983.

For an example of a godly family during a serious crisis: read

Roy B. Zuck Barb, Please Wake Up! Bible Memory Assoc. 1983. (Roy B. Zuck is a professor at Dallas Theological Seminary)

Some books have good, but rather explicit teaching. They are best read after getting married. Two of these are

Tim and Beverly LaHaye The Act of Marriage Harvest House

Lewis B. Smedes Sex for Christians William B. Eerdmans Pub. 1976

Family Matters in the bible

Below is not everything, but just some of the good teaching God gives us about families.

...Personal Holiness

We must not bear false witness or lie to each other.Pr19:9;Co3:9;Ep4:25;1Tm1:10; Re21:8,26;Lv19:11-12;Ps35:20;Zc8:16-7;Zp3:9,13. Teach with integrity. Tt2:7-8

Believers do not need to have "loose lips" on every question. 1Sam16:1-5;Pr12:23

Be kind & compassionate to others. Co3:12;1Cr13:4;Ep4:32;Pr11:16-17;1Th5:15

Do not hurt our bodies or be gluttons. 1Cr3:17;Pr28:7.

Don't be drunk/intoxicated.Ep5:13;Pr23:20-1;25-39;Mic2:11;Mt24:49;1Sam1:12-7

Honor secular authority; obey laws subject to God's. Tt3:1;Rm13:1-7;1Pt2:13-18

Don't waste your life with luxury & self-indulgence. Ja5:5;Mt21:34;23:25;Am6:4-7

No dissensions, jealousy, or quarreling. Rm13:13;1Cr3:3;2Cr12:20;Ga5:20-21,26

... Sexual Purity

Treat our bodies as God's pure temple, honor Him with your body1Cr3:16;6:18-20

Don't be ashamed of your body, which God wonderfully made. Psalms 139:14; SofS 4

No lust / sex outside of heterosexual marriage. Avoid looking & being in situations that incite lust. Rom 1:26-27; 1 Cor 6:9-10,18; Lev 20:13; Gen 19:5-7; Ezek 16:50; Jude 7

Sexual immorality involves, desiring, planning, immodest: behavior, dress, talk, looking, or touching outside of marriage. James 1:15; Ezekiel 3:3,21; Matt 15:19

You must control your body; not vice versa. 1Th4:3-7;Co3:5;Tt2:12;1Cr9:25-27

No homosexuality.Lv18:22;20:13;Rm1:26-27;1Cr6:9;Gn19:5-7;Eze16:50;Jd7;1Tm1:10

Have pure lips / speech.Pr4:24;6:12;8:13;10:31-2;12:13-4;19:1;22:11;Zp3:9;Ep5:4

-pure eyes.Pr4:25;6:13;Jb31:1;Ps101:3;119:37;Is29:20;Mt5:27-29;2Pt2:14;1Jn2:16

Avoid a crooked path. Prov 4:26;5:6-8;6:13;2:7,13,15-20;7:25;10:9;16:17;21:8

Avoid tempting places & situations.Pr4:27;2:18;5:8;7:8;7:27;1Cr10:14;2Sm11:1-4

Have modesty. Pr7:10;1Tm1:9;Eze16:43,58;23:18-24:13;~1Cr11:5-16;Mk7:22

Don't listen to seducing or evil talk (1-900...). Proverbs 6:24;7:14-21

...Searching for an Excellent Spouse

It can be a difficult task. Prov 31:10, requiring advice and resourcefulness. Ruth 3

It can be an easy task, simply following God's lead. Gen 24.

All our plans should be given to the Lord. They are contingent on God's will. James4:13-16;Pr27:1;16:9;Lk12:15-21

...Getting Married

Marriage should be honored, when the two become one; don't abuse it only as a convenience (taxes, etc.). Singleness is OK too.1Cr7:1,8-9,27-36;Mt19:11-12

Outward attractiveness is OK (SongOfSongs,Gen24:16;29:17 but do not let it deceive you (Pr31:30); look for inward beauty.1Pet3:2-5

Believers mustn't wed unbelievers. Don't divorce though. 2Cr6:14-18;Ml2:11-12

God hates divorce; remarriage is OK if your spouse has died. Ml2:13-16;Mt5:31-32;19:1-9;Mk10:11-12;Lk16:18;Rm7:3;1Cr7:10-13,39;1Tm5:14

... Being Married

Nothing is evil, impure, or sinful with marital sex. Pr5:15-19;18:22;1Cr7:28;SofS

Don't withhold marital rights, except briefly by mutual consent for prayer.1Cr7:2-6

The husband is the head of the family. Ep5:22-24;1Cr11:3;1Pt3:1-6;Gn3:16;Nu30

Wives must submit to their husbands. Husbands must be considerate of their wives & love them as Christ loves the Church. Ep5:22-33;1Pt3:1-8;Co2:18-19; Titus2:5

2 become 1 in this partnership; each must submit to the other. Ep5:21-31;Ge2:23-4

We're precious treasures & jewels to God. Zc9:16;Ml3:17;De32:10;33:12;Ps17:8

Forgive our brothers as Jesus forgave.Mt6:12,14-5;18:21-35;Lk17:3-4;2Cr2:7,10;Ep 4:32;Co3:13. Don't hold anything against anyone.Mk11:25-26;Mt5:43-48;Lk11:4;1Cr13:5

Don't be self-seeking or just look after own interests. Rm2:8;Php2:3-4,20-1;Jas3:14-16;1Th4:11-12;Ps119:36;Is56:11

Do not insult others, or even return insults. 1Pt2:23;3:9;~Mt5:11,22;Lk6:22;Jas2:6

We overlook insults. Pr12:16;19:11;~1Cr13;5. Be civil, not rude. 1Cr13:5;Co4:6

Speak the truth in love. Ep4:15. Don't grumble. 1Cr10:10;Php2:14;1Pt4:9;Jude16

Build up, don't destroy, others. 2Cr10:8;12:10;Pr12:14;11:9,11;12:14;1Th5:11

Be careful how you spend your time; work hard for the Lord.Ep5:15-16;Php2:20-1

Don't be lazy.1Th5:14;2Th3:6-12;Pr6:6-11;12:24,27;15:19;31:27;Ec11:6;1Tim5:13;Tt3:14

...Examples of Marriage

Bad examples to learn from. Gen 3:6-13; 2 Sam 6:20-23; Acts 5:1-11

Good role models to follow. Acts 18:2,3,26; Song of Songs, Prov 31:10-31

...Women's Role in Society

Women and men are of equal value and worth to God. All believers, male and female, are all considered as "Sons of God" without distinction. Gal 3:26-29

Women as well as men are made in the image of God. Gen 1:27

Women are not to teach or have authority over men. 1 Tim 2:12-15; 1 Cor 14:34-37

They are to have wisdom and teach. Prov 31:26; Titus 2:2, and be politcal leaders Jg4-5

Women could prophesy. Judges 4-5; Exodus 15:8; Luke 2:36-38; 2 Ki22:14; 2 Chr 34:22; Isa 8:3; 1 Cor 11:5; Acts 21:8-9; 2:17; Joel 2:28

Women can work, make money, and be in business. Prov 31:12-14,16,19-22,31

Only women can bear children. 1 Tim 2:15

Elders & deacons must not have more than one wife. 1Tm3:2,12;Tt1:6

...Kids and Parents

Both husbands and wives should materially care for their family. 1Tm5:3-4,8,16;Pr31:12-15,21,27;Tt3:14;

Honor parents; no worship. Dt5:7-16;26:14;Ex20:3-12;Lv20:9;Pr20:20;30:11,17

Obey, respect, & don't backtalk parents, both Christian & non-Christian. Don't exasperate kids.Mt15:4;Ep6:1-4, rather train kids in the Lord.Ep6:1-4;Rm1:30; Pr22:6;28:24;30:11;Co3:20-1;Dt6:7,20;~Lk18:15-7.Kids are God's gifts.Ps127:3

Believers must persevere even if forsaken by parents.Ps27:10;Mt10:34-9:Lk12:52-3

Children are a blessing from the Lord. Ps127:3-5; 1 Sam 1:5-20;

Parents must love & discipline kids.Pr13:24;19:18;22:15;23:13;29:15-7;He12:9-10

Obey & love God above family. Lk21:16;Mt10:20-21,34-37;12:46-50;Gen22:1-12;Lk12:52-53

Assume you had a choice of marrying two girls: The first one is as attractive as the most attractive movie star. She likes you, but when you mentioned marriage to her she said "Sure, why not?". She likes other men almost as well, and you have doubts whether or not she will be faithful to you. She says she is a Christian, but besides attending church, you do not see much evidence one way or another. The second one "has a good personality" (that's what people sometimes say when a girl is not so attractive). You feel very comfortable talking with her as a companion, and she loves you deeply, and you are confident she will be a good wife and mother for the next forty or fifty or so years you will spend together on this earth. Which one would you choose, assuming you have to choose one?

 

 

What are the things you look for in a wife. Rank them in order of priority, and put a circle around things you do not look for in a date. Add items you would look for in a date but not in a wife with a square around them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What kind of woman do you think you would be the best husband for?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Assume you had a choice of marrying two girls: The first one is as attractive as the most attractive movie star. She likes you, but when you mentioned marriage to her she said "Sure, why not?". She likes other men almost as well, and you have doubts whether or not she will be faithful to you. She says she is a Christian, but besides attending church, you do not see much evidence one way or another. The second one "has a good personality" (that's what people sometimes say when a girl is not so attractive). You feel very comfortable talking with her as a companion, and she loves you deeply though, and you are confident will be a good wife and mother for the next forty or fifty or so years you will spend together on this earth. Which one would you choose, assuming you have to choose one?

 

 

What are the things you look for in a wife. Rank them in order of priority, and put a circle around things you do not look for in a date. Add items you would look for in a date but not in a wife with a square around them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What kind of woman do you think you would be the best husband for?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Assume you had a choice of marrying two guys. The first guy is very handsome, intelligent, rich, and has a nice car. (At least that's what all the other girls who went out with him said.) When he graduates he will probably get a good job. He seems to like you more than then 100 other girls he also likes. You believe he is a genuine Christian. However, he has a hot temper, occasionally drinks too much, and does not seem to spend much time in prayer or Bible study. You do not think he knows the Gospel well enough to witness to others. The second choice has at best average looks. He is not lazy, and his job prospects are mediocre. He is always very nice to you; actually he is kind towards everyone, but he has a special way of letting you know that you alone are special to him. He is a good Christian who leads Bible studies and brings others to Christ. Which one would you choose, assuming you have to choose?

 

What are the things you look for in a husband? Rank them in order of priority, and put a circle around things you do not look for in a date. Add items you would look for in a date but not in a husband with a square around them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What kind of man do you think you would be the best wife for?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Assume you had a choice of marrying two guys. The first guy is very handsome, intelligent, rich, and has a nice car. (At least that's what all the other girls who went out with him said.) When he graduates he will probably get a good job. He seems to like you more than then 100 other girls he also likes. You believe he is a genuine Christian. However, he has a hot temper, occasionally drinks too much, and does not seem to spend much time in prayer or Bible study. You do not think we knows the Gospel well enough to witness to others. The second choice has at best average looks. He is not lazy, and his job prospects are mediocre. He is always very nice to you; actually he is kind towards everyone, but he has a special way to letting you know that you alone are special to him. He is a good Christian who leads Bible studies and brings others to Christ. Which one would you choose, assuming you have to choose?

 

What are the things you look for in a husband. Rank them in order of priority, and put a circle around things you do not look for in a date. Add items you would look for in a date but not in a wife with a square around them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What kind of man do you think you would be the best wife for?


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